gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Couch. On fire.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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