In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
