Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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