So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize