Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
