One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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