Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
