How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
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