AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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