It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why is your signature on my underwear?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
