i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
