am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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