DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
