Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
