i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
