Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
