The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
