remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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