I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
