Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
