I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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