I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
