I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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