somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
