Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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