I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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