ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize