3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
