Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
