i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
