Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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