i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
