I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found your dick twin last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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