first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
