The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
