I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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