Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
