you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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