I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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