can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
