Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
