Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
