So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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