the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
