I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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