Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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