Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
