What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This baby is an asshole
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
