I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
