Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
