dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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