Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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