i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
