Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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