He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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