and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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