My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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