wakey wakey hands off snakey
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
