Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
