I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
