Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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