Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
