I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize