He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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