I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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