Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
