you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
