Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
