I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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