We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
