he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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