I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you win again, gameday.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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