This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
