Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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