I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
