I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
