I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
