I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
