what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
